Disadvantages of being an adult

I was on the bus – am I ever not on the bus? – on Monday on my way to the drama exam and I realised something horrific.

Not being a student is going to suck.

It’s not just that we get free public transport and hence can just hop on any random bus and hope we arrive somewhere at some point in time.

It’s not just the cheaper cinema/theatre/transport tickets we can buy.

It’s not just being able to chuck on our uniform in the morning and not have to stress about what we’re wearing.

THERE WILL BE NO MORE CHECKING OUT HOT PRIVATE SCHOOL BOYS L

This is a big problem, I don’t think you quite understand. I swear private school uniforms actually increase the average male’s hotness level by AT LEAST 57 points. I don’t quite know what it is. But I was sitting on the bus with my head on the side checking out this particularly attractive guy (the uniform, as I said earlier, added 57 hotness points) and thinking, if I weren’t in school uniform this would be twice as weird. Hey, if I weren’t in school uniform this would probably be illegal.

So I’m making the most of my gorgeous uniform – “We get the fellows in brown and yellow” – and enjoying the view, so to speak, for as long as possible.

In other news, my HSC is 50% completed – I have done five out of ten units, and know people who have only done two out of twelve. Schadenfreude Clare escapes again. Belonging killed me. Drama was weird but okay. Modules were brilliant. J Now I can relax and try to remember that entire language I need to know by next Thursday ...

Love you like private school boys ... *teenage-girly-sigh*

x

My Favourite Girls

It seems impossible. It’s ridiculously surreal. But here it is, happening right in front of me, and I can’t do anything but go along for the ride.

School is completely over. Over forever (and ever and ever and ever ...) and it feels really, really weird. We graduated on Thursday after possibly the most tiring week of my life, and this morning I was sitting in the kitchen gargling Betadine to rid myself of a gross lingering cold and I realised that I didn’t really feel anything – not sad that school was over, nor happy that school was over, nor stressed about the HSC in three weeks. Just numb. It’s so different from when I left primary school, because then I was just paralysed with the fear of the unknown. It’s a bit of an anticlimax really, the fact that we’ve been celebrating since trials and now I just have to buckle down and study again (I’ve done four hours today J). Maybe I’ll be scared again once the HSC is over and there’s nothing between me and the big wide world.

But what is really strange is not getting to see my favourite people in the entire world together ever again (except for the advanced exam). The girls who I have spent the last six years with have actually changed me so incredibly it is difficult to imagine. When I started in year seven I was this incredibly tiny, quiet girl who spent most of her time writing stories in the library. I am now a completely different person who has had so many amazing and terrible experiences and I like who I am now. Sometimes the things I do disgust me, but even the knowledge that I am able to reflect on my own state of being makes me pretty proud of myself.

After we graduated we went out for dinner, and a friend of mine asked me whether I was happy with whom I had become. I did have to think about it for a while because I think it’s a very difficult question to answer. But I am happy with me. At the end of the day, I am a good person with beautiful friends and a very lucky life. What is even better is that I have the self-reflexivity to see what I do that is bad and, rather than despair about it, look objectively at myself and work out how to improve or deal with it.

I don’t know what I would have been like had I not gone to my school, obviously. I do know, however, that the person I am now has been shaped by my relationships with the most amazing, intelligent, hilarious, generous, creative and beautiful girls in the entire world. I love you guys to the moon and back 169 times over. With you I have laughed a million times and for you (especially in this last week) I have cried a million tears. You make me an emotional wreck, but I will always remember the times we have spent together. BUT THIS IS NOT GOOD BYE AND WILL NEVER BE. We will be friends until the day we die. Possibly afterwards too.

I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while, things have been so ridiculously busy. Soon I’ll tell you of all my adventures since we last spoke; I’ve had some that have been pretty lovely. This was just a little emotional ioaoghsaskjnbjiaut to sum up just how much I will miss my brilliant school and the brilliant people inside of it.

P.S. Here is the video that I made with my fair Adie and Alex. I spent approximately 50 hours on it, so I think you should watch it, don’t you think hyperlink? And I totally got Lox on camera confessing her love for Kelvin.

There is no way that I could love you as much as the past six years, I am sorry.

x