In These Past Few Weeks ...

I have:

1.       Dressed up in my junior uniform and revisited my childhood by playing Foil Ball on the Lowers.

That's a foil ball -- basically a ball made of the foil from our lunches because we're not organised enough to bring a real ball. :) (Photo courtesy of Carol)

2.       Danced like an idiot in the dark in the boys’ hall and lost trivia pathetically.

3.      Gone to our champagne breakfast in Moore Park West along with the police and our deputies (both decided it was too tame to bother with and left pretty much straight away).

4.      Walked into our assembly with Rebecca Black playing, before dancing like an idiot to a dubstep version of our school song, singing an abridged version of “Under the Sea”, laughing at our skit called “Finding Mimmo”, watching Anne Dao take over school captaincy and telling everyone who has skipped classes that, “If you don’t come to school to study, come for your friends!” and crying pathetically whilst attempting to sing our medley of farewell songs.

5.      Danced like an idiot on Bronte Beach with my beautiful friends as the sun went down and smashed Lox and Tersa at beach volleyball. Latian and I, we are actually amazing at beach volleyball.

6.      Spent hours and hours making our graduation video with Alex and my fair Adie.

7.      Had a bajillion class parties ... except in our last double period of advanced where we actually were lectured at for an hour and twenty minutes.

8.      Cried pathetically in modern when we talked about what we would miss at school.

9.      Sprinted through unknown Eastern suburbs streets to make sure Laurin’s door was locked and felt like a superhero.

10.   Shared the most delicious desserts with my brilliant Superprefects on Crown Street.

11.    Got to school at 7am in my pyjamas to eat croissants, receive our gorgeous yearbooks, open the letters we wrote to ourselves in year seven (I teased myself for having the HSC, which backfired splendidly, thanks 12-year-old Clare) and finally show the graduation video TWICE to many tears (NOT MINE!! I didn’t cry at all on Wednesday!) And then quickly got changed into our muck-up costumes.

Lox is the Grinch, Tara is the Reindog, Carol is the Christmas Tree and I am Cindy Lou Who from the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Lox did the hair, it has a styrofoam cup underneath. Isn't it COOOOOOOL? (photo courtesy of Tara)

12.    Swum in JUB’s infinity pool in rainbow long-johns and pyjama top, before drip-drying in her apartment over-looking the Opera House.

13.   Been evacuated from JUB’s apartment due to an electrical fire, then walked around the Opera House for fifteen minutes at sunset while we waited to be let back inside, then rescued the stir-fry we had been in the middle of cooking and realised the udon was perfectly cooked. J

14.   Found Macheath from Threepenny Opera attractive with my beautiful drama class ... ability to sing and tap-dance really does excuse all criminal behaviour.

15.   Cried pathetically at Chakkers’ and Laurin’s beautiful graduation speech, felt incredibly embarrassed that our principal mentioned my year ten music performance in her speech, laughed at how cute the year seven and year eleven farewell speeches were.

16.   Graduated from school.

17.   Made a huge circle on the Lowers holding hands with the entire grade, sung the school song and sprinted into the centre of the circle for a ginormous and slightly painful 169-person group hug.

18.   Dressed up in a pretty dress, proposed a toast to our teachers that no one heard, took a million photos, signed a million yearbooks.

The beautiful Tazmunia (photo courtesy of Tara)

19.   Had D&Ms on the bus.

20.  Revisited the chocolate shop (which represents our brilliant junior years) and giggled ridiculously from sugar-shots and a chocolate overload.

21.    Made a Chocolate and Raspberry Guts Delight Cake and shivered over it at Maroubra Beach for Tararara’s 18^th party.

22.   Had it confirmed that my no-alcohol-(AT LEAST)-until-21 policy is a good idea J

So as you may be able to see, it is a bit of an anticlimax that I have found myself at home after all that with barely anything to do but study. On Friday night I even had a dream that I was at the Advanced Paper One exam and had not studied for it at all, and was trying to think up a good concept for a belonging story before I went in ... my idea was to tell the story of a conchie during WWI. I think I might try writing that, after all, it is what my subconscious has told me.

However, if there is one thing I know for sure it’s that my last weeks of school were simply AMAZING. Here is a whole lot of love and thanks to all the people that I spent them with.

Love you like brilliant times with lovely people.

x

My Favourite Girls

It seems impossible. It’s ridiculously surreal. But here it is, happening right in front of me, and I can’t do anything but go along for the ride.

School is completely over. Over forever (and ever and ever and ever ...) and it feels really, really weird. We graduated on Thursday after possibly the most tiring week of my life, and this morning I was sitting in the kitchen gargling Betadine to rid myself of a gross lingering cold and I realised that I didn’t really feel anything – not sad that school was over, nor happy that school was over, nor stressed about the HSC in three weeks. Just numb. It’s so different from when I left primary school, because then I was just paralysed with the fear of the unknown. It’s a bit of an anticlimax really, the fact that we’ve been celebrating since trials and now I just have to buckle down and study again (I’ve done four hours today J). Maybe I’ll be scared again once the HSC is over and there’s nothing between me and the big wide world.

But what is really strange is not getting to see my favourite people in the entire world together ever again (except for the advanced exam). The girls who I have spent the last six years with have actually changed me so incredibly it is difficult to imagine. When I started in year seven I was this incredibly tiny, quiet girl who spent most of her time writing stories in the library. I am now a completely different person who has had so many amazing and terrible experiences and I like who I am now. Sometimes the things I do disgust me, but even the knowledge that I am able to reflect on my own state of being makes me pretty proud of myself.

After we graduated we went out for dinner, and a friend of mine asked me whether I was happy with whom I had become. I did have to think about it for a while because I think it’s a very difficult question to answer. But I am happy with me. At the end of the day, I am a good person with beautiful friends and a very lucky life. What is even better is that I have the self-reflexivity to see what I do that is bad and, rather than despair about it, look objectively at myself and work out how to improve or deal with it.

I don’t know what I would have been like had I not gone to my school, obviously. I do know, however, that the person I am now has been shaped by my relationships with the most amazing, intelligent, hilarious, generous, creative and beautiful girls in the entire world. I love you guys to the moon and back 169 times over. With you I have laughed a million times and for you (especially in this last week) I have cried a million tears. You make me an emotional wreck, but I will always remember the times we have spent together. BUT THIS IS NOT GOOD BYE AND WILL NEVER BE. We will be friends until the day we die. Possibly afterwards too.

I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while, things have been so ridiculously busy. Soon I’ll tell you of all my adventures since we last spoke; I’ve had some that have been pretty lovely. This was just a little emotional ioaoghsaskjnbjiaut to sum up just how much I will miss my brilliant school and the brilliant people inside of it.

P.S. Here is the video that I made with my fair Adie and Alex. I spent approximately 50 hours on it, so I think you should watch it, don’t you think hyperlink? And I totally got Lox on camera confessing her love for Kelvin.

There is no way that I could love you as much as the past six years, I am sorry.

x