Confession.

I have a confession to make. It’s going to be really hard to admit, but I know it’s time. And perhaps, having admitted it, a whole bunch of you will come to realise that you suffer from the same affliction as I do and come forward and together we can conquer it! But anyway, here goes:

I am a Try-Hard Texter.

What, you query, is a Try-Hard Texter? Ah well funny you ask, it’s pretty much exactly what you think it is. I try wayyy too had when I send text messages. In fact, it’s gotten to the point where I’m not even trying anymore; it just comes out naturally sounding stupid. The most obnoxious habit in the world.

For example, I sent my friend a text a few days ago including the phrase “casually consuming”. Why? No reason, I just find alliteration makes everything excellent etc. The thing is, I didn’t even realise I had done it until I sent the message, then I read back through it to make sure my phone hadn’t done any of its usual ‘me’ instead of ‘of’ or ‘if’ instead of ‘he’. It hadn’t of course. I’d just made myself sound like a properly pompous person.

I incorporate puns, rhymes, poetry, “Did You Know”s, ridiculously long words and endless adjectives into my text messages, and that’s not even when I’m trying to be flirty. (You never want to be in that situation with me; I’ll make casual references to Australian politics and boast about my cooking abilities.) But you see it’s almost a disease, it affects my day-to-day life and all my relationships with people.

So there’s the confession. If you have a similar problem, please, don’t hesitate to text me. I can’t promise the reply will be all that intelligible, though.

Love you like lovely ‘lliteration. I am fully aware that that was terrible.

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