The Phallogynist (??)

I go to an all-girls school. Can you tell? I am going to confirm right here right now once and for all that this has a supremely large effect on my day-to-day behaviour.

When I was in primary school I decided that co-education was the path for me. I thought, if you go to a single-sex school, you are not prepared for real life, you won’t have the skills required to talk to the opposite gender, you’re screwed, basically. And then I got into Sydney Girls, and now I’m here after six years of single-sex education, and I am a self-proclaimed Phallogynist.

I also made up the word, with Lox’s help of course. A Phallogynist, if you’re wondering, is someone who hates males (as per misogynist and phallocentric and other such words whose stems/structure I stole).

Ew, boys are gross. Every single last one of them, and I’m going to admit it now, even the ones from Sweden. There’s nothing worse than getting on a lovely cool empty 610 of an afternoon and starting to cruise down Anzac Parade before grinding to a horrifying halt in front of the boys’ school. The disgust when you realise you’re going to have to contract into the back seat as opposed to sprawl over half the bus to make room for noisy, smelly, squeaky boys is indescribable. Ew yuck, basically.

Nonetheless, some theories I will have to discount: I can hold a conversation with anyone of any gender so long as they’re interesting in some shape or form (or if I have to be polite), and I think I am relatively well-prepared for the horror that is Real Life. My biggest problem, however?

The world is not a girls’ school.

Next year the days of being able to strip in the middle of the classroom to change for sport will be gone. The ability to pour water over my head, unbutton my blouse and unzip my school skirt to deal with summer heat will have long-disappeared. The enjoyable game of ripping open our blouses to see if we can undo all the buttons in one fell swoop (and not burst any) will be generally frowned upon by the populace of Real Life.

Thus, I am screwed.

Love you like the sanctuary of school.

x

(P.S. not all of this is completely true/unexaggerated; I know a fair few boys who aren't all that smelly/gross. I'm not ACTUALLY a phallogynist. I do ACTUALLY know that isn't a real word. Okay. *CLARE OUT*)