(too many opinions)

I was with some friends last week (SHOCK HORROR! OH MY GOSHNESS FRIENDS ARE YOU FOR CEREAL?) We talked about a whole bunch of things, namely not exams, but at one point my friend told us that someone had warned her to be careful because our school was getting a reputation for being ‘slutty’. Now this was something that grated for me on so many levels, not that it had anything to do with the girl who told the story (she’s gorgeous, clever, not a bitch and also nameless, because I’m not a bitch either … not that this is bitchy … ARGH), but just … I’ll explain.

Firstly, I’d just like you to know that I’m not someone who uses the word ‘slut’ to characterise anyone, whether maliciously or jokingly. I try not to make snap judgements based on the way someone acts or dresses, and obviously I’m not perfect so I do sometimes. However, I keep my first opinions of people to myself and remain open to be proved wrong. As per the Great Gatsby – “Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope. I am still a little afraid of missing something if I forget that …” Never have the first few pages of a book crystallised so many of my ideals into beautiful, coherent sentences for me. J But continuing.

I’ve been thinking along these sorts of lines since Tuesday – International Women’s Day – about slut-shaming. I dislike it when girls call others sluts, whether friendly or not, because it basically sends the message that it’s okay for guys to call us sluts too, bringing us back half a century to when marital status gave life value and promiscuous women were shunned by society. It’s setting a dangerous precedent, judging and categorising a girl based on her lifestyle choices.

I know that’s not what’s in question regarding our school’s ‘notoriety’ as a slutty school. What’s really being questioned is the values of young people. Sometimes I see a girl’s skirt and think, okay … that’s a belt. But I’ve been trying not to. I’d like to think that I have stopped judging people on their clothes, or lack thereof. It’s all about freedom of choice. I don’t judge women who cover up, donning a hijab or wearing long-sleeves, so I don’t want to judge women who wear miniskirts or bikinis. Personally, I don’t have the confidence, nor the wish, to wear ‘skimpy’ clothes. But just like I wouldn’t want people to categorise or judge me for wearing jeans and a sweater, I will not do that to others.

The same goes for something like smoking. It makes me sad to see young people damaging their health, and annoyed because it damages mine, but I can’t lecture them on it. It’s their life choice, and I’m sure they have their reason for it. In the end, I can’t know all their reasoning unless they tell me, and until they do, I can’t honestly pass judgement saying it’s wrong. It’s depressing for me, but it’s not up to me.

I’d like to finally consolidate my point with something a little personal (Ngawww, feel loved). I’ve always been what you might call underweight, but never unhealthily so. I eat well enough, I just happen to have a pretty fast metabolism. Good for you, you say, and it is good. But once one of my friends came up to me and told me that I was anorexic, that I was being stupid and vain because I wasn’t fat, and that I should go see a counsellor. She thought, based on my appearance, that I was in a specific bracket of people and needed her help. I laughed.

I’m not saying that you should never support your friends if you think that they’re in trouble, not at all. But it’s important to understand, to get the facts, and to do this by actually TALKING to them before you make up your mind. It can really hurt to realise people have been categorising you based on your appearance without knowing the full story.

Right well that deviated from the topic. Gosh, that wasn’t meant to be a lecture at all. These are just my personal opinions, so don’t take them as gospel, or anything. I’m thinking it would be sort of hypocritical for me to force my ideals down your throat, but maybe there’s something I said, like in the Great Gatsby (although surely not as eloquently) that crystallised something for you. But in the end, debate makes the world a more interesting place. Also, if you could be bothered to real all that and still want to procrastinate some more, I would love to hear what you think about the new slutty nature of our school, or about slut-shaming, or anything.

Lots of love,

xx