Bom Chika Wow-wow?

Yeah right. Lynx is more likely to make me want to kill myself.

My brother is a little obsessed with spritzing his freckly skin with as much Lynx deodorant as humanly possible. Not only does this make him smell, it actually travels through the entire house and makes my bedroom stink as well. On Sunday I literally had to sit outside and study with the door closed, because if I opened the door a tidal wave of that disgusting stench would pour out.

So I wrote a song for how much I hate Lynx. Note this doesn’t refer to my brother. It refers to anyone, ANYONE who wears Lynx and thinks it’s attractive. BECAUSE IT’S NOT. It’s called ADVERTISING. Thank you very much.

No Air (to the tune of No Air by Jordin Sparks)

V1

If I should die or even faint

It’s cause you wear too much deodorant

It’s like being suffocated by a plastic bag

And if you walk in here wearing

So much scent you catch me staring

It’s cause you stink, not cause I want a shag.

Bridge

Believe me, you don’t have the power

To make me ‘Bom Chika Wow-wow’

And excess of deo doesn’t mean that you don’t have to shower

Chorus

Tell me how I’m s’posed to breathe with no air

Your Lynx deodorant is making me ‘bleaurgh’

If you don’t move I’m finished I’m sure

There’s no air, air

We’re out here on this dance floor so wide

How can I have fun with you by my side?

Can you please just move over there?

There’s [no air, air] x4

V2

When it comes to enclosed trains

Buses or trams or even planes

Lack of fresh air is a sure sign that you shouldn’t spray

And then don’t get me started on

All those chlorofluorocarbons

That you release by wearing Lynx every day.

[Back to bridge]

Alrighty so I’m going to sleep now. I’m very tired. Although excited. What for? We’ve been talking about what we’re going to do for schoolies today. [ROAD TRIP] Yum. J It’s pretty cool actually.

[I’m in love with square brackets.]

Cheers big ears.