The Baxter Classification System

*For a long time now I have relied on what I find really a most important system with which to classify books by. I not only shelve my books in alphabetical order on my shelf, but I also have colour-coded stickers on them so that, at a glance, I can see which type of story I am about to embark upon. Believe it or not, by self-devised system for classification has saved by life, knocking hours off the time I might have spent searching for a book I felt like reading, or starting one that, after all, I couldn’t muster at that moment in time*. So I decided to share with you by brilliant system. YOU’RE WELCOME.

A Lemonade Book: A lemonade book is like a glass of lemonade. Usually, children or teenagers will read a lemonade book because it quenches their thirst without tasting disgusting, and it fills up their stomach with bubbles of air. It’s very bad for you and rots your teeth, often with its misplaced commas and air-head dialogue. An example of a lemonade book is Twilight. (OOH YEAH I went there)

A Wine Book: A wine book is more of an adult book, which, although it is yummy for people who are used to reading it, it can often give people headaches. It doesn’t taste very good and you only want a little bit of a wine book at a time. If digested too quickly, it can lead to nausea and dizziness. An example of a wine book is Oliver Twist. (Yuck.)

A Tomato Juice Book: Tomato juice books can be enjoyed by many. It fills your stomach with good nutritious dialogue, plot and descriptive passages. There are so many taste sensations when you read a tomato juice book that you wonder how the author put so much depth into the flavour. It can be read again and again, each time a new spice or flavour might be revealed. They may or may not be what everyone is drinking at school, but nonetheless, they are pretty brilliant, especially when consumed when it’s cold and rainy outside. An example of a tomato juice book is Slaughterhouse Five or, and it goes without saying, HARRY POTTER.

So there is the brilliant Baxter Classification System (BCS) (I hope that doesn’t already stand for something embarrassing, like Bowel and Colon Services or something …)

Bye.

*Sarcasm. Although the system itself is a good one, no?