Liking Stuff on Facebook

Okay so I’m bored, and I’m on Facebook, and my entire home page is filled up with just this one guy liking pages. Not just one page, or five pages, but probably about twenty or so ridiculous, hilarious pages. And you know what?

It is the funniest thing EVER. Keep liking pages, He-Who-I-Shall-Not-Name. It’s really made my evening. Wow, that’s a bit lame. But seriously. After sitting through Ian Nelson on Q&A, which I love, but GRRR Nelson is the biggest well dickhead, I needed some light relief and you are really delivering. So thank you. And now I will share some of your ‘likes’ with the world. Or seven people. Or something. J

Number One – Cramps

Boys: You want to know what period cramps feel like?
Imagine being kicked hard in the balls.
And then recovering.
And then being kicked again.
And then recovering.
And then being kicked again...and again...and again.
So forgive us girls for being a little bitchy on our time of the month.
...
Fuck off, if that where true, you's would be on the ground, in tears, all day long and not even be able to bitch due to immense pain...

Number Two – This apparently makes sense to 119 people …

if i could rearrange the alphabet id rip your ass-hole out of your body with a fucking candy-cane

Number Three – My respect for you just reached a whole new level!

like this if you've ever dropped your phone on your face. -.-

Number Four – Ah, modern day romance.

No ones afraid of swimming
they are afraid of drowning
No ones afraid of hights
they are afraid of falling
No ones afraid of love
There afraid of rejection..</3

Number Five – I tell you what else is like a dick?

Religion is like a dick.
Its okay to have one, and its fine to be proud of it.
But you don't whip it out in public and swing it around,
and for God's sake don't try to shove it down my kids throat.

Number Six – Um …

Mom:GO EAT THE FUCKING FISHSTICKS.
Me:I DONT WANT TO EAT THE FUCKING FISHSTICKS
Mom: sorry, I had a tourettes moment. Please go eat the fucking fishsticks. :)
Me:*walks away mumbling* Maybe I dont want to eat the fucking fishsticks.
Mom:WHAT DID YOU SAY!?
Me: I SAID IM GOING TO EAT THE FUCKING FISHSTICKS!
Mom: Oh, OK :)

Number Seven – Look, I thought you were a guy.

So if being pretty means skipping meals,always wearing tank tops or mini skirts,having guys ask you out 24/7,never playing video games,being friends with everyone you ever meet,spending hours on your hair everyday,and spending hundreds of dollars on clothes,then I guess I'd rather be ugly.

Number Eight – Ah, the old declaring-the-love-via-fb-likes thing. It’s faster than thinking up a status! (Plus it's got a semi-colon in; it must be intelligent)

Guess what? she's one of my best friends. and i don't care if you weigh twice as much as me and are a foot taller; if you break her heart I'll break your face. :)

And finally Number Nine – Objectifying women reaches a new level!

Girls are like apples on a tree. Boys usually go for the easy ones, not the ones that are on top, because they are too hard to get. But someday, a special boy will use a ladder to come and get you and he'll be proud to have you, because you were worth the climb.

***

Okay. I’m a bitch. I just find it hilarious. Does He-Who-I-Shall-Not-Name not know that every single one of his fb friends can see what he has liked? It has officially been broadcast to *awkward stalking moment* 452 people.

See, this is what a blog is for. You can write and say whatever you want, and only people who care will look at it. And if they judge you, you can shoot back with the old, THEN DON’T READ IT THEN.

Unfortunately, that’s not how Facebook works.

Okay bye and know I will BREAK A FACE for you, as long as you give me the FUCKING FISHSTICKS. (are these like fish fingers? i hope so.)

x